Archive for November, 2013

Part 2 here of our little crash course on D4D 1.0. It follows Part 1. D4D 2.0 is when I spring into action this winter. I’ll stick around afterwards to sign autographs.

images7. Presbyterian guilt?: I used to feel guilty if I spent significant time doing something I didn’t consider either directly or indirectly income producing. That’s why I gave up writing–I couldn’t justify it on the bottom line. And I still can’t, but I’ve learned to get over the guilt and enjoy the pleasure. Everybody has a creative side. If you don’t know yours you should find it, nurture it, and let it reward you.

8. Just Say Yes to Drugs: In the last two years I’ve been on a daily, albeit mild, dose of the ant-depressant Effexor and Ritalin, the latter because I’ve been told I have an attention deficit issue. Hard to say for sure, of course, but something is working. Either the life coach, or the plan to be credit-card free next year, or the new apartment, or the medication. But I can assure you my body chemistry is more stable than it’s been in years. And if the medication is to thank, or even just partially to thank, then I’m going to keep taking it.

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22a1f54886179f63b50d250da9bd3635The only good thing about turning 50 is apparently 50 years is how long it takes to figure out a few things. Either that or my recent revelations are the universe’s way of saying, “Hey, sorry about your libido, your hairline, your patience and your eyesight. Oh and sorry you fell through the cracks of the New Economy. In return we’d like to compensate you with the answers to some of life’s mysteries.”

Which is what I’ve been doing here on D4D for the last six months, working through a lot of crap. On the Internet, no less. Apparently I’ve lost all sense of pride as well as my youth. Anyway, speaking of the ubiquitous Internet, I’d like to thank you, the electronic voyeurs in my psychodrama of mid-life. Thanks for reading, responding, and liking.

But now it’s time for D4D 2.0. (Yes, I know that might sound ridiculous–a new version of the new day for an animal extinct for millions of years. But it’s my blog so put a cork in it!) Anyway, I’m hoping the tone and narrative shift away from the self-discovery and goal setting portion of the program. Because I feel that work’s largely done. That was a time for adjectives. This is a time for verbs.

Before we move on, I’ll take a moment to review (as you might surmise this is also the skeleton of what a D4D book proposal might look like.)

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sbsbWhat I learned on my autumn vacation:

• I’m trying to spin D4D into a book. So I need to find an agent and publisher (rather than self publishing, which is a last resort). The next step is writing a book proposal, which seems as daunting as writing a book, just not as much fun.

• If you want to get anywhere as a writer, you have to know the right people (or the write people). Just like any profession, contacts are gold. Talent is secondary. Right now I’m not sure I have enough of either.

• Boosting traffic to my blog is a part-time job. I’m in a 4-month course geared to do just that, build a bigger audience on-line. More traffic means publishers might actually pay attention to my book proposal. So D4D is now the double-edged sword of creating content AND marketing. All at the comfortable annual salary of Zero.
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Between getting settled in my new apartment, working late nights, looking for more work, switching from a PC to a Mac, and writing this blog, I’m dizzier than Paula Abdul with a concussion.

So I’m awarding myself an unpaid vacation. Hell, while I’m at it, let’s give the rest of the staff at D4D an unpaid vacation as well. It’s the least I can do, since I always do the least I can.

Seriously, I need to step away to get my affairs in order. That sounds more dire than it really is. But there definitely is urgency; I need to concentrate (more…)

(You’ve reached it. The final chapter of “The Plan.” Congratulations! You no doubt have devoured every morsel, hanging by fingernails for the final installment. Well, let me say to you, loyal reader, here it is. The conclusion of The Plan for dealing with the festering weaknesses in my life: Fear, Debt, Savings, Income, Identity, and now, everyone’s favorite subject, Love.)

Love

MjAxMy1iZjA2ODRjMjVlYmJkMzhhHonestly, I hesitate to even broach the subject here. This blog is about middle-age reconstruction, dealing with nagging challenges in new ways. In the process, I’ve changed my approach to almost everything. But when it comes to relationships, I have no confidence in understanding what I’ve done in the past or what I want for the future. Sometimes I wonder if I even know the difference between really close friendship, love, infatuation, obsession, co-dependence, and a box of chocolates.

Almost 20 years separate the very first guy I ever dated and the most-recent guy I dated, and they bear an uncanny resemblance to one another. (more…)